Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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