i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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