I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
