Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
