marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
