a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
