I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
