I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
