I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
