I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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