Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
