I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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