I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
