remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
ok first of all what the fuck
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
try to milk me bitch
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
