is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
