East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
