Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so let's talk penis.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
