Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
