She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
