Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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