I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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