The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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