The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My vagina just recognized that song.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
