his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
