Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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