i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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