Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
