mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
