Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
