Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think people are normalizing furries
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
