I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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