i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The adults are the big ones right?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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