OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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