"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
