i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
