I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am one with the molecules
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize