No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
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I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
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I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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