U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
