You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
