He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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