i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
