I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he thought i was a dude.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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