Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
