She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
