I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
