im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
