Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
