I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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