I smell stomach acid.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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