even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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