Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
