i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
there is glitter all over my balls
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
