My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
