he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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