I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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