Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
