You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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