why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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