I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
