I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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