I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
