i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
