Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
