Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
