using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize