he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
