I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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