do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
