so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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