I just threw up on my dentist
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
