My girlfriend figured out who you are.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
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I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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