How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Found your dick twin last night
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
